“Writing the Self 3: [Do I Have To Smile?]”

It wasn’t as though I was underprivileged and it wasn’t as though my parents didn’t treat me well. In fact, I had way more than I needed and a loving family to top it off. So why did I feel so different?

I felt like an orange among a bunch of donuts. The orange is appealing on its own, but amid those delectable desserts, it doesn’t stand a chance. I became absorbed in thought as my friends chatted excitedly around me. I bit down and felt the familiar emotional sting as my bottom teeth tucked behind my top ones. I wonder if they notice it like I do… my thoughts trailed off as the commotion around me became a blurry background.

My mom worked so hard. My step-dad worked so hard. Why did it seem more difficult for them to do this? My pulse was fast, my eyes were moist, and my jaw was tense.

My friends didn’t seem to notice, nor did they even notice the factor that was causing this internal conflict. I felt my face turn a deep shade of pink as I opened my mouth to speak. Talking was safe, talking would not remind them of my difference. Before long, I began to laugh… hard!

I needed to trail back. This was exactly what I was trying to avoid. It was too late though and, although none of them ever pointed it out, they had to have noticed the obvious proof of my family’s economic class.

I could never confess my disappointment of course. After all, many of my classmates had less than we did and I knew that this was not a crucial use of our family income. I was old enough to understand priorities, so why did I still feel so glum?

 

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2 thoughts on ““Writing the Self 3: [Do I Have To Smile?]”

  1. Hey Danica, awesome read.
    Firstly I wanted to mention the overall impression I got from viewing your page. It looks great and gave me lots of motivation and inspiration as I continue to play around with this technology that seems new to me. So, cool webpage!

    Esthetics aside I felt your post was relatable especially since I have a similar experience in regards to my teeth too. Isnt it funny how problems that made us feel alone as young people bring us together when we talk about them as adultsÉ Even though social and economic status sometimes separate us we were still innocent enough as children to not let it separate us for the most part. Really makes a person want to go back.

    I also found it relatable in terms of how you portrayed the emotion in your rich and descriptive words. It made me feel similar emotions from back then and today. One of my fears as a mother is having my child worry about financial or social status but this post highlights that it is unfortunately a reality that our children will have those thoughts at some point in their lives. The style of your post really captivated me and as I accidentally first read your fourth post, you really have a unique way of capturing an audience in all of your posts.

    Enjoyable read overall and I look forward to reading more!

    Like

    1. Hi Meg. Thank you, so much, for the encouraging words. It is interesting to examine the difference in emotion, between children and adults, in many areas. The innocence of children is something that amazes me daily. At the same time, kids often notice more than they are given credit for, including socioeconomic status. Thank you for your comments!

      Like

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